How to Set Healthy Boundaries with Your Ex
If someone thinks about dating these days, a very common aspect of it is online dating, or meeting people online. A good chunk of people in the United States and all over the world have joined in the game that is online datingjoined in the game that is online dating , some to success, and others to not.
Whether or not you've chosen to be a part of dating online, if you have dated at all, you may find yourself facing either a recent or not so recent breakup with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If you have, a very important next step that will help you to move on is setting boundaries with your ex, no matter how long it has been. Here are some ideas that I have to help you to set those boundaries, healthily and firmly.
Be very clear and direct
Before you do anything, or have any specific boundaries, it is extremely important to be very clear and direct about the boundaries you want to set. Make sure you and your ex both know and understand that whatever boundaries you are about to set are what is needed for both of you, especially if it is helpful towards your mental health. Be absolutely clear as to what you want, and do not let them try to make you come back to them or allow them to come back to you if that is not what you want. Moving on is important, and in order to do that you have to make sure to be firm as to what you want.
If you have separated yourself from your ex physically, as in are no longer in a relationship or a place where you see them every day, it might be worth considering distancing yourself from them in other places as well. Especially on social media, you may find yourself looking at their profiles or basically what is known as Facebook stalking, to see what they are doing. If you are working on moving on, this is not healthy to continue to do. If you find yourself doing this, it is probably best to unfollow and unfriend them on any social medias that you might have. That way, you decrease the temptation to continue to pay attention to them and take another step towards moving on from them.
Don't Take Sides
No matter how bad of a break up it was, do not make your friends take sides between the two of you. Especially if you have mutual friends that you want to continue to be friends with afterwards, it is important to also set boundaries with them for both you and them. You may be able to make it so you do not talk about the other person, but make sure you do not force them to choose between the two of you, or you may find you have more than just an ex, you also have ex friends.
If you do have to talk to your ex after the breakup, keep the conversations short. Only talk to them about what is necessary and do your best to leave it at that. If you wish to leave it on a good note, try not to be rude, but do not let yourself get roped into long conversations, especially if they end up being about the "good old days". You may find yourself going down a path that you might not want to be.
More than anything, it is important to make sure that you are happy. If you leave your ex on a good note and still want to be friends, try to be happy for them as well in anything else that they might do. This might be in terms of a job or getting in a new relationship, or anything under the sun. But no matter what, be happy for them, and be happy for yourself. Help them to be happy for you as well. Do not feel guilty when you finally reach the moving on stage, especially if that includes a new relationship. Let yourself be happy, and you'll find moving on to be much easier.