How to Stop Being Jealous in Your Relationships
Overview
Jealousy is an issue in most relationships. Whether you are the jealous one, your significant other is the jealous partner, or you are both guilty of this, jealousy can stop a relationship before it really gets started. This crippling relationship destroyer is very hard to deal with, especially if you are the jealous type to begin with.
The best way to deal with this is to avoid asking questions early on, or ever. You don't need to know about every significant other or how many partners they have been with. This might be especially hard for couples who met online. Online dating is a tricky endeavor. Many people on these sites are looking for hookups, not relationships. Was your significant other using this platform to find a relationship, or a good time?
Again, don't ask. These details can only set your relationship up for difficulty and possible failure. They are with you now, and that's all that should matter. Make sure you are on the same page with regards to what you are looking for.
Stop comparing yourself to other people
Unfortunately, this is easier said than done for many. There is a reason envy is one of the seven deadly sins. It afflicts many of us. Stop comparing yourself to your significant other's exes or opposite gender friends. Jealousy can manifest itself in several ways, feeling insecure, suspicion, rejection, fear, anger or anxiety can all occur. Being jealous of close guy friends if you're a man does make sense. Men don't typically have close girls as friends who they wouldn't also be interested in romantically. They are often stuck in the friend zone and are hoping it will eventually turn into something more. It won't, the friend zone is a bottomless pit where escape is impossible. You're better off getting back online and trying to find another date there. Those women haven't already made up their minds about you.
Talk to someone about your emotions
Talking to someone about your feelings of jealousy can be very helpful. Men, this is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign you really care about the other person and want to do everything you can to make the relationship work. Even looking inward at your own struggles with jealousy. Talking to a counselor is always an option. If you don't want to pay for someone to talk to, pick a trusted friend to share with. That person will probably benefit from this because they will want to discuss their own insecurities, but are too afraid to share them. You are opening the door for both of you. Open lines of communication with your partner is also crucial. Don't speak to them when angry or emotional, and avoid any accusations. Discuss your fears and insecurities. Again, you don't want or need to know about your partner's dating past. You will find out more than you really want and perseverate even more on these new revelations.
Figure out the underlying causes of your issues
Why are you really jealous in the first place? Has something happened in your relationship that gives you doubt about your partner's dedication? Did something like being cheated on occurred in a past relationship? Do you feel inadequate because you don't believe you measure up? Emotional scars from previous relationship experiences can be hard, but that person wronged you, not your current significant other. If they have, it's probably time to reconsider your relationship anyway. No one should make you feel inadequate. Again, stop comparing yourself to any previous relationships. You will never feel confident in a relationship until you can move past this. Don't ask questions about exes; you really don't need or want to know. Asking someone you really don't know and are just online dating is worse. That's a red flag for a future clinger or emotional drain. Confidence is attractive. Man or woman, you need to at least show an aura of self-confidence. You are good enough for that person, and good enough for yourself. Show it!
Remind yourself of the reasons why you love your partner
If you have been together for a while, whether you met online or not is inconsequential, think back to what created that spark to begin with. You chose this person for a reason, and remember they also chose you. They chose you because you are good enough. Everyone has jealous moments. That's just human nature. The problem comes when you allow that jealousy to consume you and destroy your relationship. Be confident in yourself, share your feelings with your significant other, find someone you trust to confide in, get to the root cause of your jealousy, and don't ask questions you don't really want answers to. You obviously can't handle these answers, which is important to know about yourself.